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 The following text is from a booklet written by Georgia AGAPE, Inc. to briefly address several of the basic questions and concerns birth-parents have when they first begin considering adoption. This section is only an introduction to adoption and not intended to replace the personal contact and counseling of an adoption professional with birthparents. Click on the following topics for more information: What is Adoption? Adoption has existed in one form or another for a very long time. It is a legal process that transfers the parental rights of a child from one set of parents to another. But, at its core, it's much more than a legal process. It's a plan that evokes great emotion and dramatically changes the lives of those touched by the decision - the birthparents, the child, the adoptive parents and of course, their families as well. Adoption is not "giving away" or abandoning your child. It is a plan for your child's future. A deliberate and well thought out plan you make to take care of your child in the way you think best. It's not an easy decision. It never is. But it may be the best decision for your situation. The practice of adoption has changed considerably in the last several years. There are now many more choices for you. You probably have a lot more options than you may have thought possible. As you know, there are many people who hope someday to adopt a child. And there aren't as many babies available for adoption as in the past. Many of these couples wait years before being able to participate in an adoption plan with someone. We'll talk more about them later. But for them, adoption is their only way to have a family - a way for them to love and nurture a child they have longed for. In the past, adoption often involved the child gaining adoptive parents but losing all contact with his or her birthfamily. Today, however, we realize it is healthier to look at adoption as a way to add to that child's life. To add a loving adoptive family without necessarily taking away all connections with the birthfamily. Adoption is about love, sacrifice and hard choices. Again, it isn't easy, but it is a decision you can feel good about. And although it may not feel like it at first, it can be a very positive decision for you and your child. Top Why Consider Adoption? There are many reasons birthparents consider adoption. And yes, no two situations are alike. But if you are like most birthparents considering adoption, this was an unplanned pregnancy - bringing with it all the emotions and challenges that entails. You may feel that you are not ready to be a parent. But in a short time, you will be one - with all the responsibilities that it brings. Foremost, you will be responsible for providing for your child and making decisions for him or her. You may decide the best way you can provide for your child is through adoption - by choosing another loving family to provide for him or her. At this time in your life, you may not be able to give your baby what he or she will need. Adoption is not about not loving your baby. It's about loving your baby enough to do what is best for him or her, even at the cost of causing you great pain. There will be many factors to consider. And only you can make the decision! Top How Do I Make a Decision? Most birthparents who consider adoption struggle a great deal with their decision. It's very normal to go back and forth in this process. And it is very helpful to remember that it is a process. Counseling is often very beneficial as you struggle with your decision. Counseling isn't about telling you what you should do or pressuring you toward one side or another. It's about helping you look at your options, weighing your "pros and cons" and helping you search your heart. At Georgia AGAPE, counseling is provided free of charge and is non-pressured and supportive. You are viewed as a capable person in a difficult situation. You will always be treated with respect and empathy. Birthmothers are often at various stages of their pregnancy when considering adoption. You may have many months to your final decision or only a few short days or weeks. It's usually beneficial to have come to a tentative decision about plans for your baby by your seventh month. However, we know this isn't always possible. And we also know some will decide to change their minds after the baby is born. However, counseling can help you face and deal with your issues and concerns and facilitate your decision making process. Having a direction several weeks before birth can greatly help in the preparation process to come. No decision is final until after the baby is born. At that time, your counselor will help you re-process the decision once again. If you still remain confident that adoption is the best plan for your child, your final decision is then acted upon by signing the appropriate adoption papers. In Georgia after you sign papers to surrender your rights and release your baby for adoption, you will also have 10 days to withdraw your surrender. The exact legal process will be explained by your counselor. Top How Will I Feel? You probably have a lot of mixed feelings right now. Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Not everyone feels the same way. But most birthparents go through various feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and confusion, among other emotions. Many birthparents also feel relief in knowing there are adoptive families who can provide their children a happy and stable home. Many will grow to care deeply for the adoptive parents. Many will even share in the adoptive parents joy in knowing they have helped a couple fulfill their dream of parenting and loving a child. You may experience more emotions than you thought possible. It's important to deal with your feelings and not bury them. This is another way in which counseling can be very beneficial. Top Who Will the Adoptive Parents Be? We carefully screen and evaluate all couples who seek to adopt through Georgia AGAPE. They must go through a detailed examination of their personal backgrounds, marriage relationship, psychological and emotional stability, financial responsibility and their views on children and parenting. Adoptive parents also are required to attend an educational workshop where they learn about various issues related to adoption. They are educated about birthparents: who they are, why they choose adoption, etc. They learn the sometimes held misperception that birthparents "don't care" is really a myth and not true! They learn that a child may want to know their birthparents. They understand and accept the value of this and it will not be a threat to them. They see it as a normal expression of a need to know their "roots." They learn the importance of being open with their children about adoption and how to encourage positive feelings about being adopted. Adoptive parents who are approved through our agency are Christian people who very much wish to share their love and their lives with a child. They see adoption as a very positive way to have or enlarge their family. They understand that, although they will love this child as their very own, the child is special in that he or she has a unique heritage provided by his or her birthparents. Top What About Medical Care? You may or may not have already seen a doctor. Obtaining prenatal care is important to both your health and the health of the baby. Giving your baby a healthy start is another gift you can give to him or her. You may already have your own doctor and this is fine. If not, we will work with you to find the best medical facility for your situation. If a final decision for adoption is made, medical expenses not covered by insurance or Medicaid relating to the pregnancy and birth of the child will be paid by Georgia AGAPE. The child's medical expenses outside of Medicaid and insurance will also be paid by Georgia AGAPE. The exception to this will be in regard to rare cases where a child is born with significant complications and medical problems. Our ability to place a child for adoption with these concerns will depend upon our adoptive parent resources and the availability of insurance to cover unusually large medical bills. Referral may need to be made to the Division of Family and Children Services who have the resources to handle these unusual cases. In any event, you will be involved in this decision making process and whatever changes may need to be made. Top What Are My Rights and Responsibilities? When a person becomes a parent, certain responsibilities must be assumed. We believe these responsibilities begin at conception. Whether or not individuals choose to parent their child, they remain responsible for the fact that another human being has come into the world. They have had a special role in giving that child life and now have the responsibility to plan well for that child. Because adoption is a process of planning for your child's future, we believe you have a right to decide how you want your adoption to proceed. It is with this in mind that Georgia AGAPE encourages birthparents to be active partners in the decision making process regarding planning for their children. We believe adoption works best when the needs of all parties involved in the process are met. And this takes into consideration the individual differences people come with and their varying needs and preferences. We believe it is your right to have the information and contact you need in making decisions that have lifelong effects on your life and your child's. Opportunities for this kind of involvement come through the changing practice in adoption of having more openness in the process. You have the right to select the family you want to adopt your baby. You are involved in planning how much contact you want with them. Some of the various options for contacts with the adoptive parents and your child available to you are meeting the adoptive couple, talking to them by telephone, writing them, receiving letters and pictures from them, etc. Many adoptive and birth couples form an ongoing relationship. The important thing is to find what level of contact you are comfortable with and make plans accordingly. Birthparents have many other additional rights. You have the right to see your child and spend time with your child in the hospital. You have the right to select the name for your child which will go on his or her original birth certificate. In reality, your rights and opportunities are endless depending upon your needs and your relationship with the adoptive parents. We know that adoptees often have questions about their birthparents such as: What do they look like? What were the circumstances surrounding their adoption decision? Etc. Because of this, we believe it is one of your responsibilities to answer as many questions for your child as possible. We strongly encourage you to write a letter to your child explaining why you choose adoption for him or her. We also suggest that you put together a scrap book about yourself with pictures of you at various ages and pictures of your family members. Extended family members are encouraged to send letters or gifts with the child. You also may send gifts to your child. Top How Does the Process Work? As mentioned before, the decision for adoption is a process. And we hope you will make use of the counseling services provided by Georgia AGAPE to help you through this difficult time. The sooner you start the counseling process the better. We are able to meet with you outside the AGAPE office if this is more convenient to you. We will work with your schedule to find the time and place that works best for you. You will be asked at some point in time to provide the agency with background and health information. This is important information to be able to pass on to the child. It also is part of the legal requirements of the court. Generally, you will select the adoptive family you want for your child about your seventh month -- although you can do so earlier if you desire. You will find us very flexible in working with you. You are the one ultimately in control of your adoption plan. As noted earlier, the legal process will be gone over in great detail with you. You are shown the legal documents you will need to sign after the birth of the baby. It's very important that you are fully aware of and understand the adoption documents. You do not sign any legal documents until after the birth of the child and you are ready to do so. You will receive copies of everything you sign. Top What Happens Afterwards? It is normal to go through a grieving time after being separated from your child and after you have followed through with an adoption plan. This may be the time you need the support and sympathetic ear of your counselor the most. It is important to realize that your painful feelings are normal and have little to do with your continued belief that adoption is the best plan for you and your baby. Sometimes people think that if a decision is painful, it must be wrong. But that is far from the truth. Difficult decisions are often painful. That is just a part of life. You will have ups and downs. You have been through a tremendous experience that will have altered you forever. And although it is a difficult experience, it will provide you with an opportunity for personal growth. We understand adoption is not just a one-time decision. It is a lifetime experience. Should you make an adoption plan through Georgia AGAPE, our commitment to you is ongoing. It is common for us to still be in contact with birthparents who made adoption plans years ago. Warm relationships are most often developed. You can be assured of our commitment to be a resource to you throughout the years. Top [Adoptive Parent Services] [Information for Donors] [Board of Directors] [Contact Us] [Home] |
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