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 This section has been written by Georgia AGAPE to briefly address the basic questions and concerns teenagers have when they first learn of their unplanned pregnancy. This section is only a brief introduction to these initial concerns and is not intended to substitute for the personal contact and counseling of a qualified professional. Click on the following topics for more informtaion: Teenage Pregnancy - Some of The Realities It's estimated there are over one million teenage pregnancies each year in the United States. This means that on the average, there's one teenage pregnancy occurring every thirty seconds. Based on these latest statistics, on the average there are 1,500 babies born each day to teenagers. It's estimated that one out of every four teenage girls will become pregnant in their teenage years. And when you consider birthfathers, family members and friends, millions each year are touched by a teenage pregnancy. You are likely reading this booklet because you are one of those touched by a teenage pregnancy. And although the prevalence of teenage pregnancies is a crisis in America, the focus of this booklet is not to debate this problem, but to help you take a look at how you can personally deal with your situation. Top Your Initial Response How people respond to the news of an unplanned pregnancy certainly varies from one individual to the next. However, there are common reactions that many people experience, including the following:
Some say a teenager's life is ruined if she becomes pregnant. You may have heard that expressed by parent figures or even your friends. Yes, it is true that each person's life is definitely affected by an unplanned pregnancy. It is a life changing experience as no one is the same as a result of it. However, it is certainly not an experience that has to "ruin a life". As a teenage pregnancy is a time of crisis for many, it is beneficial to understand the nature of a crisis. It's important to realize there are two distinct parts of a crisis. One is "danger" and the other is "opportunity". Yes, there are dangers to people's lives through difficult situations, but these situations also provide unique opportunities for growth. Someone has said that "crises are inevitable - growth is optional". It depends on how people decide to handle things. The crisis of an unplanned pregnancy will be very difficult to deal with. However, you can grow and be a better person because of this experience. The intensity of the many emotions people go through often creates much confusion. And because of this, it is, at the beginning, hard sometimes to see how things will work out. But be assured they do and will for you! It is said that people never feel more lonely than when they need someone to talk to and don't know what to do. An unplanned pregnancy can be one of these times. And that's why it can be very helpful to talk to experienced and caring professionals who can help you through the complexities of this experience. Top Questions To Consider When people first begin confronting the realities of their unplanned pregnancy, they are often flooded with many questions about all kinds of concerns. Some of the questions you may have are:
Top Urgent Issues to Address News of your pregnancy may have come as a great shock to you. Oftentimes, there is denial and disbelief which causes one to delay facing the realities involved and postponing efforts to respond appropriately. Because of the emotional and physical health considerations an unplanned pregnancy poses, it is important that you face several concerns right away. Some of these urgent concerns are:
What About My Parents? Some teenagers are hesitant to tell their parents about their pregnancy. If you're one who is hesitant, get immediate help and advice. And this should not be just from your friends. You need to go to someone who is an adult, and preferably, experienced in counseling. In our experience at Georgia AGAPE, we have found that the reactions of parents can surprise you. Yes, it is likely that your parents will initially be shocked and hurt. They may feel like they have failed as a parent. They will ask themselves "where did we go wrong?" They may feel guilty thinking they should have done a better job. But, even though you may not believe it, they often initially respond in a way that is constructive and helpful. Give them a chance! Honesty and openness is the best approach in dealing with parents. You will need to directly confront them. However, you may not be sure just how to do this. This is where someone who is experienced can help you. An experienced counselor can help you develop a strategy and provide support for you in approaching your parents. Top The Basic Alternatives - Making Choices One of the most stressful aspects of an unplanned pregnancy is the demand to face so many decisions and choices. Keep in mind that emotions can be confusing and should not be the guiding force in making decisions. Good decision making involves the following:
Many first consider abortion as it appears to be a quick and easy way out of an unplanned pregnancy. Others express they feel pressured into this by the father of the baby, their friends and even sometimes family members. To make a good decision about this requires being aware of your values along with understanding the pros and cons of this decision, both in terms of health and emotional considerations. Jumping quickly to this decision can have lasting emotional and physical consequences that are often not anticipated at first. 2. Single Parenting Aside from abortion, this is the next alternative that is most frequently considered initially. In today's world, there is less stigma attached to single parenting and, indeed, there may even be great pressure to consider this alternative. More and more young women are making the decision to raise their children. Good decision making will certainly look at the many angles associated with this decision. Recent research is providing helpful insights into this alternative. 3. Marriage Years ago, there would have been great pressure to consider marriage. However, this is not as true in today's society. Again, there is research that provides information about the impact of teenage marriages (especially due to pregnancy) that you will want to be aware of as you explore this option. This will provide a picture of what you can possibly expect. 4. Relatives Involved In Raising The Child While some teenage mothers may not be capable or prepared to raise a child themselves, they may look to relatives to help with this task. You may also be drawn to consider this option. This could either be through relatives adopting your child or raising your child until you are ready to resume responsibility for parenting. This alternative, as with the others, can be complicated and comes with many concerns that will need to be considered and examined. 5. Adoption Due to the many pressures and misunderstandings about adoption, this alternative in recent years has been ignored or quickly decided against. It is obvious that the world is ignorant about adoption. Many myths and misunderstandings about adoption abound. However, adoption can be a very positive alternative. And with many of the changes in adoption practices, there are more choices and options that make this an alternative that works well for everyone involved. While considering this option, it's important to be aware of the realities of adoption and not be turned off by the negative attitudes many hold which are largely based on misunderstandings and exceptions to the rule. If you want to consider adoption, it is important to seek experienced professional help. The protection and professionalism of a licensed adoption agency can be the best way to avoid many of the complications, problems and mishandling associated with adoption. Top What About Counseling? People have very differing views regarding the benefits and merits of counseling. There are many distortions about counseling that come from TV shows, movies and wrong ideas people unknowingly spread regarding what counseling is about. Probably, it's best to say upfront a little bit about what counseling is not. Counseling is not where you go to have someone tell you what to do. Counselors do not make decisions for you or put pressure on you to get you to do something against your will. You are in control of your destiny. The decisions are yours. Seeking counseling is also not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, counseling is a sign of strength as it shows you are willing to approach situations with an open mind and look at all the angles of your concerns. Counseling provides a place where you will receive compassion and support. It is a place where there is trust and confidentiality. It is a place where it is safe for you to share your feelings with another person. It is important for you to go to someone who has experience in dealing with the unique issues involved with an unplanned pregnancy. Otherwise, you may just end up being more confused. Experience means a lot when it comes to counseling. Top A Suggested Initial Reading List The following is a listing of several books that can be helpful as you process your situation and consider your alternatives. This is certainly not a listing of every book available. For more reading resources, contact your library or a professional experienced in helping with these concerns. For Teens: Surviving Teen Pregnancy: Your Choices, Dreams and Decisions, by Shirley Arthur. Morning Glory Press. Teenage Pregnancy: A New Beginning, by Linda Barr and Catherine Monserrat. Morning Glory Press. Pregnant Too Soon: Adoption Is An Option, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. Morning Glory Press, 1980. Teens Parenting - Your Pregnancy and Newborn Journey, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay and Jean Brunelli. Morning Glory Press. Teenage Marriage: Coping With Reality, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. Morning Glory Press. To Keera With Love, by Kayla M. Becker with Connie K. Heckert. Morning Glory Press. For Parents: My Child Is A Mother, by Mary Stephenson. School Age Parents: The Challenge of Three-Generation Living, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. Morning Glory Press, 1988. Parents, Pregnant Teens And The Adoption Option, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. Morning Glory Press. Books on Adoption: Dear Birthmother, by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin. Corona Publishing Company, 1982, 1991. Open Adoption: A Caring Option, by Jeanne Warren Lindsay. Morning Glory Press, 1987. Making Sense of Adoption, by Lois Melina. Harper and Row, 1989. Top Help Offered Through Georgia AGAPE, Inc. Professional Staff Georgia AGAPE, Inc. has a professional staff of individuals who are professionally trained and experienced to help you through the unique demands of an unplanned pregnancy. Our staff collectively have many years of experience in providing specialized services for unplanned pregnancies. Our staff also plays a leadership role in the adoption professional community. Benefits of working with an agency There are many benefits and safeguards for you in working with a licensed agency such as Georgia AGAPE. Being licensed by the State of Georgia provides assurance that adequate levels of professional practice are maintained. But there is much more than this. We go beyond the requirements for licensing as we strive for excellence in providing quality services. Our program is characterized as being progressive and exceptionally responsive to the individual and unique needs of birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents. We specialize in adoption services. All our staff receive extensive and ongoing training in adoption issues and all services are routinely supervised. Agencies, especially non-profit agencies like Georgia AGAPE, are guided and operated by a mission to provide a community service. The focus is on your needs and not on making a profit. Counseling As mentioned in this booklet, counseling is very helpful in dealing with the unique issues and concerns of a teenage pregnancy. Georgia AGAPE offers free counseling to help you explore your options and make critical decisions as you plan for your future. We provide professional assistance in dealing with your questions and the issues you are facing. Help in dealing with your family Also, as mentioned earlier in this booklet, it is important to deal directly and honestly with your family. However, for many, this can be very difficult and potentially traumatic and disruptive. Talking with someone who can help you with a strategy and approach to deal with your family can be helpful. It is important that family members have an opportunity to receive counseling and assistance themselves. These services are offered free of charge at Georgia AGAPE. Adoption information and education In exploring your options, adoption may be one of the alternatives you would like to consider. However, it's likely you do not know that much about adoption. In addition, you've probably been confronted with many of the myths and misunderstandings that are so prevalent about adoption. Talking to our counselors and learning more about adoption and its impact not only on you, but on children, can be very helpful. More and more research is being conducted which provides great insight into adoption. This research is documenting that adoption is a successful and positive experience for all involved. Complete adoption services Making a decision for adoption and following through with that plan is a very complex process. There are many things to consider and deal with, such as medical care, legal demands, working with hospitals, selecting adoptive parents, working out an appropriate adoption plan, etc. Georgia AGAPE can help you with all of your needs. Assistance if choosing to parent child At Georgia AGAPE, we understand that a portion of the young women we work with who are struggling with an unplanned pregnancy will choose to parent their children. If this is your decision, we will be supportive and committed to providing whatever assistance we can to help you get off on the right foot and be a successful parent. We have a great deal of resources and information to help you with this. One of these is a listing of many questions and concerns to help you to consider if parenting is for you at this time in your life. We also have other information and resources that can be of help to you, in adoption to assisting you in connecting with appropriate community resources available to you. Give us a call! 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